Mother’s Day is supposed to be a happy day; a day you celebrate the mothers in your life. But for parents who have lost a child or are experiencing infertility, Mother’s Day isn’t a day filled with cheerful celebration. It’s a painful reminder that their child is gone or that they have yet to officially join the mom club.
Maybe you haven’t experienced the loss of a child or infertility. You may not even be a parent. But that doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge the parents you know who are grieving this Mother’s Day. Because your love and support is the best gift you can give them.
1. Join them where they are in their grief.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. There isn’t a time frame on how long one should mourn the loss of a child. Grief is a very personal experience. People have to work through their grief on their own terms. So whether it’s been weeks, months, or years since losing their child, meet your friends or family members where they are in their grief. Don’t try and force them past their stage of grief or offer advice about moving on. Just be there for them; be there to listen or allow them to be alone in their grief if that’s what they want.
2. Share memories of their child.
Parents who have lost a child often worry that their child will be forgotten by others. Family and friends may worry that if they bring up the child’s name or a memory, it will only add to the parents’ pain. But oftentimes, it’s the opposite. It can be very comforting hearing someone else say their child’s name or sharing fun stories about their child. It reminds them that their child is missed and loved by others. Remembrance is the essence of Mother’s Day after all.
But you may have to be more cautious if parents are grieving a recent loss. It may be too soon to bring up birthday parties or Christmas memories. If you start to tell a story and notice either parent getting uncomfortable, change the subject.
3. Say or do something kind.
You can’t heal their grief, but you can help this day be a little less painful with a simple act of kindness, such as:
- Sending a text saying, “Thinking of you and (insert child’s name) today and every day. Love you!”
- Dropping off a plate of their child’s favorite dessert with a note acknowledging that this day is hard and you’re thinking of them.
- Offering to spend the day together going out to lunch, getting a manicure, or going on a walk.
- Sending a heartfelt sympathy gift, like a laurelbox.
4. Be there for any surviving children.
Parents love all their children. But sometimes when you’ve lost one child, your grief on certain days makes you want to experience your grief alone. Surviving siblings may feel left out or unsure of how to be around their parents on Mother’s Day. So if you notice any of this, give extra love and attention to not only the grieving parents but their surviving children as well. Maybe ask to take them out to the zoo or a movie.
Any of these simple, yet heartfelt gestures can make all the difference to parents grieving on Mother’s Day.