On the 4th of May, the social media was abuzz with #BoisLockerRoom followed by an enraged and incessant flood of opinion. It all started when an Instagram chatroom of a group of South Delhi boys with close to 27 members in it was exposed by another Insta user.
The whistleblower shared a series of screenshots of the group containing lewd, misogynist, and highly sexualized comments on minor school girls including one where the group members were allegedly plotting a gangrape. Followed by the expose, the Cyber Crime Cell of the Delhi Police took no time to identify and confiscate the devices of at least 10 members of the group including both the minors and non-minor boys. The group admin has been identified as an 18-year-old class-12 student. The involvement of under-age boys in it took the netizens by shock and triggered the outrage at the same time.
Though the continuing social media trial over the matter can be a point of serious concern, the brewing of rape culture and toxic masculinity among our youths speak at length about the embedded sexist mindset of the society. Instead of relentless hate-mongering and denial of correctional reforms for these juveniles, it would be more prudent for us to ponder upon the reasons behind our collective failure as a society in raising our sons.
‘‘Boys will be boys’’ is not an excuse
Let us not dispute the fact that our boys are not born misogynists. But, in many cases, they are grown up to be ones, largely due to the way they are socialized. Family and schools are the primary institutions of children’s socialization, especially in an urban middle-class set-up. These two institutions, though not intending such mindsets for the boys, are unfortunately themselves tied down by the larger scheme of patriarchy, inherent within the society.
It is not unusual for both the institutions to allow certain leeway for the male gender as compared to their female counterparts. Think of, how even the simple act of smoking cigarettes, harmful in general, are treated differently for both the genders, despite having similar health implications!
From showcasing clear gender preferences at home to being reminded of their constant gender-roles in schools, ‘boys will be boys’ regularly becomes an unfortunate excuse of shying them away from the basics of ‘consent’. To add the cherry on the cake, popular culture has been teaching them enough about using ‘pick-up lines’ instead of seeking communicable ‘consent’ while interacting with the opposite gender! In this process, adolescent boys are caught up in the loop of casual sexism. Overt consciousness of their masculinity, perception of entitlement based on gender and lack of sensitization are all the part and parcel of the process.
Young boys start picking up subtle threads of sexism at home, among the peers in school, and through the various contents of the popular culture and social media. At the same time, their deliverance of the same goes unchecked and overlooked regularly in the pretext of their ‘boyish’ behavior. Had it not been for ‘boys will be boys’, in the foreseeable future ‘men will be men’ becomes unavoidable.
No room for frank discussions with elders
Does that necessarily suggest disciplining our boys through punishments? Certainly, not. The heap of the problem, in fact, lies with the disciplinarian hierarchy of the institutional structures. Notwithstanding the importance of institutional disciplining for imparting the just values of life, the rigid nature of it is to be blamed for leaving no room for frank discussions with the parents and teachers.
This tendency stems largely from the taboo associated with discussions regarding ‘sex’ and ‘sexual intimacies’. Neither do parents feel comfortable in being open about it nor does sex education feature in the regular school curriculum. Schools are, in most cases, not even equipped with experts in child psychology and adolescent behavior.
These result in a significant deficiency of informed knowledge among adolescent children. And as they see no way to channelize their curiosities and queries, they take resort to peer-learning and browsing through internet contents without any means of verification.
No way does this deny the hideous nature of the said chatroom or even attempts to dilute the gravity of the crime. But at the same time, trying to locate the root causes behind such mindsets, may make us introspect a little on how we could have mended our ways in dealing with our boys.
Had it been all about punishments, the examples of hanging to death barely two-months ago of the infamous Delhi’s Nirbhaya gangrape perpetrators may have prevented the culmination of such thoughts among school children. After all, reprimand falls into deaf ears, unless adolescent children are sensitized enough to make informed choices. No doubt, this process begins at home. Or it should not???