Sologamy or self-marriage or autogamy is the act of marrying oneself in a public ceremony. While such a marriage has no legal sanction or status, the symbolic ceremony is used by many as an act to emphasize self-love and independence.
India is abuzz with Kshama Bindu who finally wed herself in the first act of sologamy in India. She had to face a lot of backlash and threats after she announced her decision to marry herself by the public and politicians and more. Though she first wished to marry on June 11, she had to preponed her marriage which commenced on June 8 to avoid any controversy. It was a hush-hush affair as only 10 of her friends and colleagues attended the ceremony at home.
“I felt that someone may try to create controversy on the day of the wedding and I didn’t want to spoil my special day. So, I advanced it to Wednesday,” Bindu said to the media.
Kshama Bindu is a blogger and digital creator who became an Internet sensation last week after announcing that she wanted to marry herself. Bindu’s move comes amid the pride month which is a proud parade and acceptance month for those who deviate from the mainstream sexuality.
The wedding took place in 40 minutes and her friends promised to support her throughout as they were also present in her mehendi and haldi ceremony. Unlike other brides, Kshama won’t have to leave her home after the wedding as her parents are also very open minded and have welcomed her decision.
Bindu, who works for a private firm, shared that she tried to look for any woman who had married herself or had practiced sologamy in India but couldn’t find any. Due to this, she also believes that her marriage is the first instance of “self-love” in the country.
“My family never pressured me to get married to an individual because I was a certain age. There weren’t any societal pressures, but I witnessed a wide range of people’s perspectives when I decided to marry myself. There were many versions of interpretations, and it was overwhelming when religion and politics got involved. I wouldn’t condemn them, as it is a new concept for people to accept in India. Aso, sologamy is not illegal in India or anywhere in the world,” told Kshama.
She emphasized that her marriage is no different as people often marry someone they fall for, and she happens to love herself. Yet her decision to get hitched to herself can be irrelevant to some people.
Why Kshama Bindu chose to marry herself?
Love is love no matter for whom it is expressed or for with whom it is shared. What has been treated as something outrageous by most has a deeper meaning and intent. People react just by reading the headlines and not the content or listen to what the subject has to say. Such is also the case of Kshama Bindu.
Kshama observed that relationships and marriages in India have evolved and are getting modern, but there is still a section of women who are victims of domestic violence, suffer family conflicts, and succumb to unreasonable dowry demands. In terms of equality, there is still a huge gap. Even when both the man and woman of the house are working professionals, you often see that the woman is expected to take the responsibility to cook for the family and multitask.
A tattoo on Kshama’s left wrist says ‘Rest in peace, patriarchy and gender rules’ asserting that she is against and above the two and willing to live her life on her own terms.
“India was not ready for homosexuality, widow remarriage or intercaste marriage, but people have come a long way since then. There may be some hope for sologamy too,” believes Kshama.
She hopes that there will be other women and men who decide to take a stand to marry themselves and that way the act could slowly be normalized. Yet people are not ready at the moment.
“Despite this, as a human being, every person has the right to decide for themselves, and so do I. As an individual, I have every right to choose what I wish to do with my life,” she asserted.
Bindu’s Take On The Backlash
“I know that I want to marry myself. I never wanted fame as it has made me compromise on many things. My relatives started discussing my decision. I almost had to vacate my house. I have tears in my eyes when I say this, I’m just taking a stand for myself and the whole community (men and women),” shared Kshama expressing the agony she went through to fulfil her decision.
Trollers and public at large have been ruthless yet Kshama Bindu trumped over them and is quite happy at the moment.
On falling in love or having children
“One cannot decide on love. If I, at some point, fall in love, it will be beyond my control. However, I am not sure if I would want to be someone’s wife. I never saw myself as someone’s wife, even if I fell in love,” she made it clear.
As having children is thought to be the natural responsibility of a woman, Kshama doesn’t shy away from it but has better plans. People, especially trollers have been taunting her for she won’t be able to have many but here’s what she has to say.
“It’s too early for me to think about children. However, if the time comes, I would be happy to adopt one. If I am capable enough, I would love to adopt several from an orphanage. Many children do not have a home, and I would be happy to call them my kids and give them shelter, food and education,” said the benevolent woman.
Sending out a piece of advice and message to those who are about to make their Big relationship decision, Kshama said,”Take your time and do proper analysis. It is a very tough decision to make, especially in India with all the rituals. But if you love yourself, the idea of getting married to yourself makes you happy, do what your heart says. At the same time, be logical and rational about it too. It took me two-three months to decide that I wanted to marry myself.”
Also read: Here’s How This Daughter Celebrated Her Mom’s Wedding After Escape From A Toxic Marriage