Do arguments mean the end of the world for your relationship? They shouldn’t!
The early stages of a new relationship are priceless. You are in the midst of falling deeply in love and feel butterflies in your stomach every time you see your sweetheart. Plus, you never argue.
But then something horrible happens. You get into your first argument.
Fighting with your spouse is highly unpleasant. You’re in an awkward debate with the person you love most in the world. Some arguments are so intense, many couples wonder why they are even together!
Healthy vs Unhealthy Argument
In order for an argument to be beneficial, couples need to learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy arguments. The reason that recurring arguments happen is that partners are dying to be heard. Therefore, couples know that listening without interruption is deeply important to have a healthy, constructive discussion.
Couples should try and see things from another perspective and have empathy for their spouse’s feelings.
One of the biggest love tips for couples is that open communication is key to a healthy, productive argument. Couples should be able to clearly discuss the topic at hand, instead of letting the issue snowball into other topics.
It’s also important to view disagreements as an opportunity to work as a team. On the other hand, unhealthy arguments would involve:
- Yelling/screaming at one another
- Using the argument as an excuse to berate or hurt your partner
- Physical, emotional, or sexual violence
- Throwing things or punching the wall
- Viewing the argument as a war. They are fighting each other, not coming together to solve a problem.
Having a heated disagreement with your partner may not be first on your list of things to do, but arguing can actually be healthy for your relationship. In the worst case scenario, you can consider taking a short marriage course as a couple or marriage therapy to help you both ride out the trying times. Consulting a marriage therapist does not imply everything is going wrong and your marriage is heading straight towards divorce. Instead, an expert consultation can offer you that extra dose and the guidance you and your partner needed to address relationship issues which, otherwise, proved difficult for you both to manage single-handedly.
Here are 5 ways how arguments can actually strengthen your relationship.
1. Boosts communication
When couples can communicate, they make their relationship stronger.
A study in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that of 886 couples, 53 percent cited “not able to talk together” as one of the biggest factors in seeking a divorce. This statistic highlights the importance of couples being able to have a constructive communication with one another.
If you don’t pay attention to any other love tips in this article, remember this one: Communication is key to getting the most out of your arguments. It is the difference between a healthy disagreement and a toxic one.
Those who communicate know how to listen to one another. They are focused on solving the problem at hand, not using it as a catalyst.
2. Prevents misunderstandings
In an effort to keep the peace in a relationship, many end up burying any feelings of anger or irritation they have about their relationship.
When couples ignore problems, it can cause resentment to grow.
For example, if a husband says “I’m glad our sex life isn’t like it used to be” without further explanation, his wife may be left feeling confused and upset.
What does this mean? Was he unsatisfied with their prior sex life? What has changed?
The wife is charged up and confronts her husband about the hurtful comment.
Her husband is surprised. He had meant it as a compliment! He explains that having sex every day as they did at the beginning of their relationship, while fun, also became tiring. He now has more of an opportunity to enjoy sex and feels more emotionally connected to her.
Misunderstandings leading to anger, self-doubt, and resentment may have occurred had there not been further communication on the matter.
3. Relieves stress
There is no doubt that tension within a relationship can be stressful. Stress can negatively affect your health, mood, and libido. This can make your dream relationship feel more like a nightmare.
Common effects of stress are as follows:
- Difficult sleeping
- Upset stomach
- Lack of focus
- Chest pain
After having an argument, many feel lighter and unburdened. Having a lively conversation with your spouse about an issue you are facing can help get your feelings out in the open and is also a great way to let off steam. This release of emotion can help lower any fear and anxiety you were feeling.
4. Increases intimacy
Have you ever heard of the term “make-up sex”? This phrase often implies couples who get frisky after having an argument.
Make-up sex feels hotter than regular sex because your whole body has just been in a state of excitement and passion. The sex afterward having it out with your spouse not only relieves the tension and stress you were just feeling, but it also helps reconnect couples both physically and emotionally.
Intimacy is highly important in a marriage. Physical intimacy is one of the most personal things you can share with your partner. This act is largely responsible for boosted marital satisfaction, emotional intimacy, and increased trust.
The oxytocin released during physical contacts, such as holding hands, hugging it out, or caressing your partner’s arm during an argument has also been proven to lower stress.
5. Helps you understand your partner better
The longer you are with the same person, the more you start to view yourself as a unit instead of individuals.
While studies show that couples who use the term “we” instead of “I” had less negative emotional behavior and lower cardiovascular stresses, it’s still important to remember your individuality in a marriage.
When couples argue, they remind each other that they each have their own personal thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. These lively discussions can help them grow as a couple and learn to appreciate the qualities that make them different.
Here is one of the best-hidden love tips: Arguing isn’t always a bad thing! It opens the lines of communications between partners and encourages them to work as a team. Yes, disagreeing with your spouse, when done respectfully, can actually be beneficial for your relationship.