Imagine going on a dinner date, having a ‘non-consensual’ wine choice and ending up at your date’s apartment afterward where your date removes your clothes, tries to make an alleged ‘V’ from his fingers into your mouth and thrusts his fingers into your vagina without your accord.
What do you do? You utter a clear two-letter word ‘NO’, stand up on your feet, grab your belongings and walk the hell out of his apartment. Isn’t it?
If you follow the news, by now you’ve got a hint of what I am talking about. Yes, the very famous Aziz Ansari ‘sexual assault’ case that made headlines last weekend after a girl of twenty-something three accused him of forcing her to indulge in sexual activity last year in September.
What started as a movement for women empowerment, #MeToo took a rather dramatic flip when it turned into an emblem of female helplessness. Feminists all over have overhyped the #MeToo movement and the latest to enter the bandwagon is none other than Aziz Ansari’s apparent misconduct to a woman.
We know him as the witty Tom Haverford in the political satire, Parks and Recreation. We know him as the notoriously funny lead in “Master of None”. Drawing references from his own personal life, he has time and again given valuable insights into dating, relationships and sex in his stand-up comedy gigs.
It comes as a surprise act from Ansari especially after his famous feminist quotes and him aggressively embracing feminism on The Late Show with David Letterman.
While everyone is busy picking sides over Aziz Ansari’s rather controversial date, I am wondering if this story would become one of the most ridiculous in the #metoo movement, spoiling the ‘essence’(Aziz Ansari pseudonym in his sitcom) of this rather serious movement.
In this world where innumerable differences co-exist and everyone has a viewpoint over issues that re-surface and become a fad more often than not, I, being a citizen of the democratic country that India is, have a rather controversial ‘viewpoint’.
The lurid details of Aziz’s intimate date becoming a sensational media story is cringe-worthy.
With all those bra-burning feminists and ridiculous media taking a dig at Aziz, did anyone take aside few minutes thinking rationally as to why the woman did not say a clear two letter word instead of giving nonverbal cues and hinting upon him to stop?
After reading the entire 3000-word article on babe.net I really feel Grace should’ve stood up rather gracefully and walked straight out of his Franklin Street apartment instead of sticking around even after he didn’t stop. Why would she wait for him to make an alleged ‘V’ from his fingers and stick it in her mouth? To get an idea how the fingers of a celebrated comedian taste? Or to make headlines out of it?
What further disturbs me is that the women should have used verbal communication and said ‘STOP’, ‘DON’T TOUCH ME’ and a very clear ‘NO’ instead of expecting Ansari to read her mind and draw a line.
What is grotesque is she merely played a ‘victim’ all the time- when he undressed her, took off his own clothes, kissed her and briefly performed oral sex which was reciprocated, accompanied Ansari while he gave her a tour of his house and sat with him through an entire episode of Seinfeld while all she did was drop verbal and non-verbal cues instead of a clear indication that she doesn’t want it and hung around in the apartment instead of walking out.
I would consider this move nothing but a ‘story of a bad date’ taken too seriously; later resorting to mud-slinging with a defamatory post. People all over talking about consent must really see how this is not a case of sexual assault and certainly not rape. It is disturbing that the girl cried wolf, over a date gone wrong and complained about it publicly over the internet.
The moral of this entire ruckus is clear. Women need to clearly establish their line of consent instead of expecting men to catch verbal, non-verbal cues.
Being a sexually active woman in her twenties, had I been in Grace’s place, I would have uttered a clear NO and walked out of his apartment instead of hanging around for long in an uncomfortable scenario.