My first encounter with the topic of sex was when I watched the movie Titanic with my family. And I clearly remember the lovemaking scene from the movie. The moment it flashed on the screen, my mother covered my eyes with her hands, although I was still trying to get a look through her fingers. She reprimanded my father for a minute or so, and my father responded saying that if he knew that such a scene would come, he wouldn’t have taken me along.

why indian woman don't talk about sex

I am 24 years old now, and while my mother doesn’t cover my eyes, she does glare at my father.

I studied in an all-girls’ school, consisting of only Indians. Sometime around 8th grade, a group of us who were active on the Internet discovered “non-veg” jokes. Those of us who weren’t scandalized found them funny and started exchanging dirty jokes whenever we were bored in class. I was one of them. Around the same time, Eminem became popular in our school and we’d make a game of reciting his lyrics, without censoring swear words like “F**k”.

Oh, the dirty, judgmental looks we’d get! I even got a speech from a self-righteous senior girl who said that it was not ladylike to talk about sex.

I’ve had a perverted sense of humor forever. A male friend of mine and I were talking and he suddenly brought up the topic of my answers on Quora answers. He said that my writing gave the impression that I’m a person who likes to refer to sex a lot. He asked if I was doing it knowingly or unknowingly, and I said that it was the former. Then he went on to add that some men might think of me as a promiscuous person. Now, he’s a nice guy and I know he wasn’t being judgmental but what he said nagged me for a whole day.

I came across this question on Quora: What is it like to deepthroat during oral sex? and found it interesting. So, I followed it. I got a message from someone regarding that today. It’s not an offensive or judgmental message, but nevertheless an interesting one. It’s from an Indian man, by the way.

indian woman don't talk about sex

Our conversation on Quora

Do you see how it is for an Indian woman who openly talks about sex?

Both Indian Men And Women Don’t Talk About Sex

It has nothing to do with the gender. You just don’t talk about it, that’s all. Like it or not, a lot of prejudice and judgment is attached to the people who do talk about it. Sex is still associated with honor in our country. Hence, if a person talks about it, it must mean that they aren’t honorable individuals.

Women Are Still Seen As Property

Yes! And her reputation is attached to that of the family. She’s someone’s wife. She’s someone’s mother. She’s someone’s sister. She’s someone’s daughter. It’s high time we drop the last word – she’s someone’s. Period. It’s time to accept that women also have carnal needs. There’s nothing impure about women being sensual.

Sex Is Considered To Be Some Sort Of Holy Ritual

It really is made into a big deal. For example, the “first night” after marriage. The elders in the family have “the talk” with the bride and the groom, mere minutes before they’re expected to copulate. Believe it or not, I’ve seen an instance in my family where an aunt told my cousin not to enjoy it too much or be too demanding because otherwise the man might doubt that it was the woman’s first time. Sex is still considered to be a tool to make babies, and people forget that it’s perfectly okay to enjoy sex.

The point is this: In India, sex is like Fight Club. The first rule of sex is that you don’t talk about sex.

[Editorial note:  This was originally written by Gayathri as an answer to one of the question, “Why can’t Indian women talk about sex openly?” on Quora. It has been re-published with her permission.]