Life is what you make of it! There isn’t a bigger truth than this one. You will always be faced with choices and the trick is not to get bogged down by them. You make the choices which then make you – thankfully it’s not the other way around.
Don’t believe me? Sample this. I recently published my debut novella by the name “Love will find a way”. I am an active blogger who writes on issues that rule my life from the alphabet A to Z. I work as a Communication Consultant which I mostly manage from my home. I write content for websites and a number of marketing Collaterals. I am a social media fanatic as my Facebook and Twitter accounts are the 3rd and 4th most important things in this world. The 1st two are my sons. You are wondering what is so great about all this. Well, I wasn’t all of these till some time back. Or to be precise till my children were not born.
I was a Brand Marketing professional working with the top most Publication house of our country, armed with an MBA degree from one of the most recognized institutes in Communication Management. I had a good corporate life which started at nine am and had no limits to when it would end every day. Now this sounds more like you, right? Well, then one day I gave it all up. Yes, I did! I gave it up not for anyone else. But for myself. Because that was how I wanted my life to be. I did so when sons were born and I chose to be a stay-at-home Mom rather than a working one. And today after five and a half years of taking that decision I am not only thankful but also proud of my children to make me realize that life is more than just nursing professional ambitions. It is because of them that I could take out time to write. My blog showcased to the world that I had a way with words. This motivated me to write a full-fledged Novella and today it is available to read for an audience. I have also written short stories which have been awarded, published and featured across many literary journals. I owe this to the satisfaction I discovered the joy of motherhood- which I enjoyed my way.
If you are also struggling with this question of whether there is a life after motherhood, you could consider the following 8 points to help you sail through this decision.
1. Stop Feeling Guilty
You are a mother. Only you know how it felt when your baby moved inside you. Only you know how you lived through days when you suffered from morning sickness. So from this moment onward take every decision keeping in mind that you cannot afford to do anything correctly if you are nursing a guilt in your heart.
2. Why Regret?
Pause for a minute and look back at your life. Do you have any regrets about ever taking a decision which, if reversed, would have brought you more happiness? I am sure we all have that one regret. However, when it came to two living beings who I made out of my blood and love, I decided to never regret even a second which I would later repent. I stayed back with them as I believed I should be around in the initial years of their existence. If you have chosen otherwise stay contented as if there is a frustration due to non-fulfillment of an ambition, then that is a regret too!
3. Stop Justifying
Doesn’t matter if you work or are a stay at home Mom, for god’s sake stop justifying your decision to everyone around you. Whether you work because you think that is how you can keep sane or you don’t because you want it that way- Why come up with reasons to explain it to others? Convince yourself about your decisions and stick to them. Do not sail in two boats thinking no one will come to know. At least spare your small children the burden of this indecisiveness.
4. Stay In Touch
If you have plunged into being a hands-on Mom don’t think that you need to give up living for yourself. Stay in touch with your area of professional expertise. Stay in touch with colleagues, friends, and peers. Stay abreast with everything that is new and fresh be it in technology or fashion or trends. To summarize what I am trying to say- Stay in touch with yourself!
5. Phases, Kill Them
Not everything will be served to you on a platter no matter which way you are going. There will be days when you will have to choose between a trip outside the city and your daughter’s open day at school. Or there will be days when you will read a status update of another mother who achieved professional success at work and you feel all left out. Be smart about these phases. Do not let them ruin your confidence. Your decision has been taken by you and it can never be wrong unless you stop doubting yourself again and again.
6. Blame Game? Pointless
Do NOT blame your kids for your miseries. They didn’t knock on your tummy one day to see this world. If you have brought them they are supposed to be loved and cared for. Home and office isn’t really a choice between good and bad. It’s actually your happiness vs. your inhibitions to accept it.
7. Everyone Is Different
We took a hit of cutting down our monthly inlet of money by half when I quit my job. All our friends still ask us how we manage two babies, their school fees, their expenses in just one steady income and we wonder- We never thought of it that way! Things fell into place on their own because we set our hearts where our priorities were.
8. Do Not Compare
I read somewhere that if all of us threw our problems in a pile and looked at everyone else’s, we would quickly pick up our own. Do not let someone else’s promotions; ambitions or travel plans bother you. It is simple – You cannot compare apple with oranges. Accept it as soon as you can.
A sabbatical from work is not the end of the world. Neither a crucial work deadline that you couldn’t meet as you had to rush home to your ill child. What matters is that you are happy. If you are sitting in an office presentation but not absorbing a single slide that’s being shown as your mind is wondering if your baby has been bathed well – what is the point? Even if you are home, take it as an opportunity to pursue your interests. Try your hand at painting? Read all those books you couldn’t find time for? If my world would have ended the month my pay cheque didn’t come, I wouldn’t have penned all this down.
Must Read: The One Minute Working Mom
Do share your thoughts with me if you have found a part of your motherhood somewhere in the middle of these words.