Latest posts by Puja Kale Vayanta (see all)
- 5 Valuable Lessons I Learned From Life While Shifting Houses - April 29, 2015
Dad and I had spent quite some afternoons in the heat that summer, looking for THE new temporary house we wanted to move in. I being the youngest in family, was super excited. But when time came, a lot of feelings crept below, having spent 20 years of my life there. It wouldn’t be unfair to say, I had a life there!
We got acquainted with people in our new society over the time, but of course it nowhere felt the same way. Even if I tried to exactly describe what our old house and society meant, I know I wouldn’t be doing justice. We had seen colours, burst crackers, danced, had meals and fairs, even experienced riots – all of us together. We knew someday we would be moving back to our own house again.
1. Do What You Love
Done with my BMS, I wanted to pursue something I always had in my mind, finally in the field of Fashion. Dad being the absolutely pro-MBA person he was, could not understand how anything to do with fashion was even a career choice! Later tried talking to my besties, finding as to how I would explain the same to dad – me being a firm believer of do what you love! I suited up and reproached my dad, cracked my entrance and consistently performed well in my academics too.
The same year later had been to a college trip, where something happened, the thought of which still gives me goose bumps! Most of my batch mates, including me had tears in our eyes- thinking about our parents and the love and sacrifice they go through to make us live the brilliant life we do. This exercise was part of some experience we underwent in our learning there. The next thing I knew, I wanted to come back home that moment, and give a tight hug to mom and dad. I had started dating my boyfriend (husband now), and we had the generic relationship celebrations around the corner awaiting as well. Everything seemed to be simply great around, except for dad’s health.
2. Loss Causes Pain, No Matter What!
With my dad’s health not improving, as days passed, we hopelessly waited for the situation to get better – but in vain. We lost him! Even the thought of life without him around was something I had never imagined in my wildest dreams, despite knowing his prevalent health conditions. As Sigmund Freud rightly said, ‘I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.’ I still felt that despite being a big girl. We girls are always our daddy’s princess, aren’t we now!
3. Be Strong And Learn To Carry On In Life
Everything around moved in a slow-motion, where things got quieter around, we looked at each other, not breaking down, standing strong for each other. But we spoke daily about the happy memories we had with him, I guess that is how we were all trying to cope up. I became a person who questioned too many things too often, unlike before, living especially under my dad’s shadow. I was always the over-protected kid, despite having a totally cool but an equally protective elder brother. I was the kid who never went to submit her own forms in the university, never cooked unless it was Maggi, or travelled literally by a bus/train as he had ensured education for me, had always been at a stone throw distance – and the list goes on. My parents always tried their best to raise a lady, so I did become one, but a lady that doesn’t take shit anymore. It is an experience you get when you least expect, that teaches you, what you didn’t know you were even capable of learning.
4. Never Waste An Opportunity To Tell Someone That You Love Them
With time passing by, I got real close to my mom. Despite she doing her best to hide her grief, could see right through the emptiness she felt. She had been really supportive and motivating always, leading me to the right. And I just wanted to be there for her! Enough experienced then said, had realised there is no better time than now, to express my love and gratitude towards her.
Slowly and gradually things started changing. My entire family did welcome my boyfriend with warm hearts into our family, the way I was in his. We were soon going to be married. I had a fairy tale wedding even better than what I had imagined it to be. I moved into a new house, new family. Alone but together. Feeling content, but still something amiss. With my Mr. Perfect and making his people my own, we laughed and cried hard too. When I say this, I am sure a lot of girls will be able to relate to the ‘1 year hitch’ we girls experience when it comes to moving in with your husband and a new family. Not delving deeper into that matters and the worldview that shapes them in current context, would like to say I slowly moved into my new life and the different roles I played. There were times, when I realised what I have, what was left behind and also what I could do.
5. Friendship Is Like Wild Flowers, Blossoms In The Most Unexpected Places
Something remarkable helped my moving in process post marriage, an experience less of a concern and soon a joy. It was no other than the stranger living next door. It will come like a surprise, but she was just few months old when I got married. I had my first official encounter with Unno Singh, that’s what her mom and I call her.
At her age, she was pretty picky when it came to interacting with people forget anyone touching her. Being the child lover that I am, she being one of the cutest kids, we were meant to hit it. We shared the same wall, but she refused to step inside our house. Our initial interactions involved her sitting with her mom and playing with pebbles in our living room, and me helping her do it, for hours at times literally. At times I just sat around her pretending to watch TV while she was doing it, because I could see it made us connect. I still take pride in boasting I was the one who managed to get her to play in our house alone, where we both were trying to have a conversation with pigeons, sitting by my mother-in-law’s window. And so the friendship went on. She is a breath of fresh air literally, and even if something went wrong in our house, as it used to more often then, being with her somehow just made me forget it, even though temporarily. She made me happy, always.
Suddenly realised I was not just living with my best friend, whom I got married to, but also this little person who calls me her best friend now. If you talk to my husband, he will totally laugh and agree on the same. He has been a victim, not being able to sit next to me in her presence, as Unno Singh would always want to come sit between us, and anyone remotely touching me, even if it meant my pinkie was just not permissible according to her.
They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style- Carrie Bradshaw, SATC
It’s been 2 years since I am married now, and soon it will be a year to my new job, and the company itself. Time took its course as said, I adapted and moved on. Also to a great extent made people in my house adapt to a point where I am not the daughter in law, but sort of the 2nd son (at least I am getting there I believe, and in a good way). Already in the process of moving into a new house, in a new location altogether. Similar feelings flow below my skin, excitement, fear, eagerness, concern, too. So here I am, again, moving in and out of houses, with memories, people and mostly the experiences that changed, rather shaped me and my life.
Being a person huge on quotes and on happy endings, I would like to share a few things from my all-time classic, favorite show Sex and the City, as it just makes so much sense to me when I look back –
“After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart.
There are days you love them and others you don’t, but in the end they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into. And sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.
The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all, is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you – you love, well, that’s just fabulous!’’
As I move out, am already hating not having what it used to be, but will look forward to having good times and adding more memories. But most of all it is my best friend I am living with, who has made this transition, the walk worthwhile. I know, no matter where I go, what I do, my Mr. V will be there with me – moVing. Moving out.. Moving in.. Helping me move forward!