Ever made a mistake? How did you feel after that? Guilty? Ashamed?
Different people have different perceptions of making a mistake. However, one thing is for sure. Whenever you make a mistake, it is very rare to have a positive emotion after that. Right?
Society has conditioned our minds to believe that certain things are good and certain things are bad. For example, when you end a relationship, it’s terrible. But maintaining the relationship at any cost is good. Having a weakness is considered flawed, and portraying you are strong at every point in time is good. These are just a few examples; almost everything is divided into good and not so good.
When you end up doing something Not So Good thing according to the definition given by society, it is considered a mistake. The fear created around this is so high that people end up criticizing themselves for the rest of their lives for making a mistake.
That’s why we need to understand the art of self-forgiveness!
What happens when we make a mistake?
When we do something defined as wrong, either an emotion of guilt or shame arises. Now, let us understand how these words are different.
Guilt
When we talk about GUILT, it means we understand that we have done something wrong. It allows you to look at the negatives that you have done and improve in the future. However, you still keep on blaming yourself for whatever you have done.
Shame
On the other hand, SHAME is considering yourself as a mistake. When there is a feeling of shame, the person feels as if something is wrong with them fundamentally. This can further lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression, bringing forward the feeling of worthlessness in an individual.
There is a better option instead of building up the guilt and shame.
Also, read: Loyalty Vs Integrity – What Should Drive Our Decisions?
The journey of Self-forgiveness!
The journey of self-forgiveness begins with self-compassion.
Imagine someone coming to you and sharing about the mistake they made. What would you do? You would typically console that person, ask them to be quiet, and stop feeling so bad about it.
Well, do you behave with yourself in that exact same way too? If the answer is NO, it’s time to change.
Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with the kindness that you offer others when they are facing the same problems. It is about accepting yourself for the mistakes that you have made and taking responsibility for it instead of deteriorating your worth. The path to self-forgiveness begins with self-compassion and self-acceptance.
The understanding that ‘nobody is perfect and to be human is to be imperfect’ can help you in the journey of self-forgiveness. Tell yourself this whenever you feel guilty or ashamed of any action – “It’s okay to make a mistake. I made a mistake, I am not a mistake and I will take responsibility for it.“
Also, read: 5 Powerful Statements To Keep Love And Peace Intact In Your Relationships
The journey of self-forgiveness continues as you live your life. It is about learning to accept that mistakes are part and parcel of our lives. Also, sometimes the things considered not so good by society needs to be done, and there is nothing wrong with it. Ultimately, it is necessary to consider what you need at that moment.
What do we need self-forgiveness for?
We do many things, knowingly or unknowingly, based on our state of mind at that time. However, instead of carrying the blame, you can choose to take responsibility for your actions. You need to forgive yourself for –
- Your past
- Failed relationships
- Your weak points and shortcomings
- The judgment you might have had for people around you
- The unfulfilled dreams
- The emotions you expressed violently
- The emotions you couldn’t express
- The self-criticism and self-doubt
- The moments you acted selfishly and the moments you didn’t prioritize your needs
- And any other thing that gives you the feeling of shame & guilt
Also, read: My 5 Mantras For A Better Life!
The things or actions that trigger guilt in you depend on your upbringing and conditioning. A simple act like expressing your own opinion can make you feel guilty if you have been brought up in an environment where you weren’t allowed to speak up. You must observe your emotions as and when they arise and find out why these things make you feel that way.
Ask yourself whether it is something harmful or a mere belief that has trained you to behave in this manner. Whatever the case, a mistake can never be the end of life. They only teach and guide us to live a better life if we take responsibility and learn from it instead of feeling guilt and shame.