Our minds are often our most incredible allies as well as our worst enemies, all at the same time. The negative things we say to ourselves that we wouldn’t ever hear from anyone else, and no matter how high others lift us up, we can drag ourselves back down even deeper in the blink of a thought.
Let’s look at some of the ways our thoughts and behaviors are sabotaging our growth and what we can do to prevent them in the future.
How to recognize self-sabotage
To be able to solve the issue, we first need to take a look at what some of the signs of self-sabotage are:
- You’re always looking for instant gratification – you want to feel better right here and right now, as opposed to taking some time to achieve something.
- You’re avoiding what needs to be done – any task that you don’t feel like doing, you avoid.
- You don’t take time to care for yourself – self-care is not selfish, it is a necessity, and if you are never doing anything for yourself, you are self-sabotaging.
- You’re constantly procrastinating – procrastination is the ultimate self-sabotage tool, as it keeps you from growing as a person and getting where you want to be.
- You speak ill of yourself – any thoughts that bring you down (from “you can’t do something” to “you look ugly”) are a clear instance of self-sabotage.
If you have recognized some of these patterns, let’s look at some of their underlying causes.
Why do you do it?
Of course, there may be another reason why you are self-sabotaging, or it might be a combination of the following reasons:
- You don’t have enough self-worth and self-esteem.
When you believe you can do it, you can do it – and when you don’t believe it, you can’t do it. By believing you’re not enough the way you are, you are preventing yourself from becoming better.
- You are afraid to succeed.
If you are not sure what to do when you achieve your goal, you can psyche yourself out and start making all kinds of blunders when you get near to the finish line.
- You want to be in control.
Our eternal human need to be in control often sabotages our best-laid intentions and plans. Since we will never actually be in full control, letting go of this need is one of the ways to stop sabotaging yourself.
- You are afraid of failure.
Our society has taught us to fear failure. But failure is the most natural thing in the world, and with the right mindset, we can bounce back from failure every time. Thomas Edison had to go through 3000 failed ideas before he invented the light bulb. What would have happened if he gave up?
Practices that can help you stop self-sabotaging
Here are some simple and straightforward ways to stop your bad habit of self-sabotage. Bear in mind that while they are simple, they may take some time to implement.
1. Stop speaking negatively to yourself
Whenever you tell yourself something bad or in any way negative, correct yourself and just stop the train of thought. You will first need to train yourself to identify these thoughts (as most of them just come naturally to most of us), and then slowly eliminate them. Look for help if you need to.
2. Just do it as soon as you can
Instead of thinking about a particular action too much, just make the decision to do something and then do it as soon as possible. The more we think about something and the more possible outcomes we envision, the harder it gets to just get up and go. Think about something else, but start executing.
3. Start sleeping better
Sleep is the one component of a calm, cool, and collected mind we all often neglect. Instead of staying up and overthinking, prioritize healthy, quality sleep. First, work on your sleep schedule if you need to, and figure out how much sleep you need as well as when it is best for you to go to bed and wake up. After you have that down, make sure you provide yourself with an enjoyable experience: no screens and sounds, just a comfy bed and soothing thoughts.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. No one else will come near, as you are completely unique: you are defined by your experiences, your thoughts, your actions, and no one else can do anything the way you can.
Stop thinking about the things others have or have done, and look at your own journey. Consider only what you want to be and work on that. No matter what someone else has or does, you are not on their path, and they will never walk yours.
Before we part
Finally, remember that you can’t change overnight. It will take years (yes, years) to become the person you want to be – and by that time, you will want to be a slightly different person.
The journey of life is all about finding the right balance between chasing a future and enjoying the present. And the way to achieve it is by practicing a whole lot of self-love, as opposed to a whole lot of self-sabotage.