Relationships are an important part of life for every human. Without friends or loved ones, we wouldn’t be happy. But today, it seems to be more difficult to establish trusting and deeper relationships. Whether we are trying to improve our relationship with a potential friend or we have met someone significant, it seems that don’t know what questions to ask.
Have you ever felt awkward when trying to ask something serious but ending up asking “How are you?”? This is a common problem for many people. When having a conversation with someone, it is also important to keep eye contact and to be attentive. This shows you care. But not everyone is focusing all their attention which might hurt the other person.
A lot of people think that they know everything about their friends, relatives, romantic partners since they follow them on social networks. And we all know that social networks don’t depict the reality. So if you want to improve your relationships, you should ask deeper questions that allow you to get to know a person better. In this article, you will learn how to get to know people better.
How to Start?
The questions you ask are important, but there are some other significant things to keep in mind. For example, you need to have time. The setting is important too, the way you listen to the person, whether you keep the eye contact, etc. So here are some of the things to keep in mind:
- Make sure you have time to ask/answer questions.
- Make the person a focus of your attention.
- Staring is good, not bad. Keep eye contact.
- Make sure you actually listen and analyze what the person answers.
- It’s not necessary to ask all 15 questions in one go.
It’s not important to just ask questions. The thing that is significant is to listen to the answers. Just nodding and asking the next question is not going to work. You need to process what the other person is saying, analyze the words, make some conclusions, or ask additional questions to make sure you understand everything.
Also Read: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up With Your Partner
For such a conversation to work, you need to have time. Choose a partner (friend, your significant other, potential partner or friend, etc.) and set up a day and place you meet. You can visit a coffee shop or a cafe, a bar would work too. Any place that causes some intimacy would work.
And as it was mentioned, it is not necessary to ask all 15 questions during one conversation. You could ask one or two at a time. Deeper questions always evoke additional questions so you could completely understand what the other person is trying to say. So don’t ask the questions only for the sake of asking questions. This is not the point and it definitely won’t help you to understand the person better.
15 Questions to increase closeness with your partner
Even though you might think you know a person, you might miss a few things. We all are occupied by the everyday routine, building a career, studying, etc. And we tend to forget about important things, like relationships. We keep changing, our views might be different than before. And when we are so occupied, all we can ask each other is “How are you?” or “How was your day?”.
That’s why we might not notice changes in other people. And for relationships to work, we need to know about each other’s believes, views, desires, goals, etc. It doesn’t matter whether it’s friendship or romantic relationships, friendship with a relative you didn’t see for a while, etc. It’s important to talk and hear each other.
So here are some questions you might ask each other:
- End the sentence: “If I had someone close and significant, I would share this thought…?”.
- Tell me what things you like about me. What traits in my personality you value the most.
- Share your three “we” statements. For example, “We share these personality traits” and name them.
- If you decide to become really close and sincere with your partner, what important things you would want to share with him or her. For example, you don’t like when someone talks and promises a lot but is nowhere around when you need real help or advice.
- Tell one really embarrassing thing that happened to you in the past.
- When was the last time you were crying? What was the reason and why did you react like that?
- In your opinion, what things should never be joked about?
- Tell your partner (or friend) what you know about them. For example, tell what you know about his or her preferences, what they like or hate, some moments from life, about personality traits, what they don’t tolerate, etc.
- If this day would be the last day on Earth and everyone is about to die, what would you regret about not doing or saying? With whom would you share these thoughts and why you feel regret?
- Your house is on fire. All loved ones, including pets if you have any, are already in a safe place. You have an opportunity to save just one item among all your belongings, what would it be and why?
- Whose death among your family member you will be mourning the most? Whose death would be the most disturbing and why?
- A concept of friendship, what does it mean to you? What things or traits you value the most in your friends? What person in your opinion is a real friend and who isn’t?
- What memory do you value the most? For example, the time when your baby was born. Or when you accomplished some very important goal, etc.
- Ask your partner to help handle a problem. It might be a current problem, something that happened to you in the past, etc. Ask your partner what would he or she do. You should also ask a tip on how you should deal with this problem. And ask your partner what does he or she thinks about you reacting to this problem. Or how would you react if the problem would be real (in case it is a “what if” problem).
- If you had an opportunity to find out about something, for example, what will happen in the future, what happened with someone you like, or what someone said about you, etc., what would you prefer to find out about?
These questions are supposed to let you learn some deeper desires of your partner or friend. The set of these questions might help you to bring your relationships to a new level. You could even find out something new about a person you are living with for several years.
As you can see, some of the questions are deeper than others and they might provoke discussions. Don’t be hesitant and ask additional questions if you feel like you don’t quite understand something. Or if you want to learn more about the person’s thoughts considering a certain topic. It might take a while so make sure you have time for a relaxing conversation.
Most of these questions require a certain level of closeness between two individuals. So it is best to ask your friends you want to be closer with or your partner. Use one or two questions per conversation, ask additional questions, discuss them, etc. And of course, warn that you ask these questions because you want to learn more about the person and you care about him or her.
Talking is important. But hearing and understanding what other people say are even more important. Small talk is good for everyday life and people you know, but if you need closeness, you have to make more effort. Just asking “How was your day?” will just allow you to fill the awkward silence. Asking “Why have you reacted to this event today?” might help you to learn something new about the person, his or her feelings, etc.